Monday, April 4, 2011

Rainy Days and Mondays - Beware the Repeat

When writing your story, take careful note of how often you start sentences with the same word. If your main character’s name is Simon, it is not necessary to start each sentence about him with his name. At the same time, you don’t want to start each sentence with ‘he’ or ‘his’ either. It is possible to convey to the reader who the paragraph is about without starting with these words - although you do want to have the characters name towards the beginning of the paragraph.
Example
Simon turned and rose from his crouched position. His lips formed the word danger to his companions, but no sound passed them. He motion for them to follow through the rising mist. His senses opened. He strained to hear or see any sign of the beast they tracked. He had glimpsed its form through the trees earlier and now feared it was heading for the nearby village. Simon’s heart ached as he thought of his beloved sister Emily. He thought of the terrible damage done to her, body and soul, by the foul animal she mistakenly called husband. Simon’s need for vengeance raged through him. He would put an end to its mockery of life. It would be dead before it could continue its blood-fuelled rampage.

Simon turned and rose from his crouched position. The word danger formed on his lips, but no sound reached his companions. He motion for them to follow through the rising mist. Senses open and straining to hear or see any sign of the beast they tracked. Earlier, he glimpsed its form through the trees and now feared it was heading for the nearby village. His heart ached as he thought of his beloved sister Emily. Thoughts of the terrible damage done to her, body and soul, by the foul animal she mistakenly called husband. Need for vengeance raged through him. There would be an end to its mockery of life. It would be dead before it could continue its blood-fuelled rampage.

Okay, the first paragraph has 126 words, the second 121. So it doesn’t take much in the way of extra or fewer words to eliminate all of the he, he, he, his, his, Simon, Simon’s. For me, the flow of this paragraph is much easier to follow with the varying sentence starters.
You should also be aware of this with paragraph starts. Look through your story or novel. See if there are paragraphs within close proximity to each other that start with the same word. Especially if it is an unusual word like ‘incidental’, sometimes, it can leave the reader feeling as though they have lost their place and returned to the previous paragraph. It’s important to keep the flow of reading going, and having a reader stop to check their place interrupts this.
One more thing about repeats, when describing something, like a storm or a race, it is easy to use the object you are describing frequently. More so if it is something unique. This makes it even more important to be aware of the words you choose. And don’t forget to make certain all of your characters don’t grin with delight or their eyes don’t all twinkle mischievously. Use your thesaurus. It will open up a whole new world of verbal delights for you.
Rain :)

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