He Said, She Said...
Have you ever read something, maybe even something you’ve written, that is loaded with speech tags? I know I have. As useful as they can be in say, a group situation, they can really detract from what your characters are trying to communicate. Following a question mark with ‘she asked’, or an exclamation point with ‘he bellowed’, is redundant. The punctuation already lets the reader know the tone in these cases.
It is more effective if you can give your characters something to do, something that separates them from others. A woman can fiddle with her skirt. A man can twirl his moustache. Show your readers who is speaking, don’t tell them. Your writing will be stronger for it. This gives you a chance to let people know so many different things, things only you know about your characters. Do they have habits or foibles that are specific to them? Guzzling coffee, nail biting, hair twirling, finger tapping, or pencil chewing any of these things can be an indicator for who is speaking. What do they do when they are upset? Happy? Annoyed? Hurt? Physical descriptions can be accentuated and cemented into people’s minds.
With Tags
Back story: In a corner booth at the back of a seedy bar, Mary seeks the help of a man named Jim. They attended high school together years before. Jim has always held a special tenderness for Mary, but he is hurt and angry over her assumption that he is involved with illegal activities. She tells him who she suspects of robbing her, a group of men she believes he hangs out with.
“So, will you help me recover my grandmother’s ring, Jim?” Mary asked.
Jim replied sarcastically. “And you would be suitably grateful for my help, I’m sure.”
“You don’t have to be such a jerk about it, you could just say no.” She said and stood up to leave.
“I’m sorry, please don’t go.” He begged. “Look, I’ll help you if I can, but what makes you think I know any of those guys?”
Without Tags
Mary twisted her napkin again, trying to judge his reaction to her story through lowered lashes. “So, will you help me recover my grandmother’s ring, Jim?”
His mouth curled up on one side. Something flashed through his eyes before their soft blue turned icy. “And you would be suitably grateful for my help, I’m sure.”
“You don’t have to be such a jerk about it, you could just say no.” Throwing down the napkin, she slid out of the booth. Jim reached out as if to stop her, then let his arm fall back to the table.
“I’m sorry, please don’t go.” Furrowed lines appeared across his forehead, he leaned towards her, his hand outstretched. “Look, I’ll help you if I can, but what makes you think I know any of those guys?”
I hope the above example gives you a better idea of what can be done to enhance your story if you take some time to give some personality to your characters. Did you notice anything else while reading? In addition to giving more information on how Jim and Mary are behaving and reacting, all those extra words slow the scene down. The extra words can create greater emotional impact, but too many of them during a fast paced scene can detract from the action. Use your judgement on how much information to convey.
Next time you’re talking with someone, take note of what they do as they speak. As a rule, human beings are not stationary when vocalizing. They are not two dimensional. So it stands to reason that to create believable characters for your story, they need to move as well.
Happy writing J
Rain
Picture supplied by Dreamstime
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